88 funny quotes about life lessons that will lift your spirits instantly

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Last Updated on October 28, 2020

If you need a quick spirit lifter don't look any further. I've curated for you 88 funny quotes about life lessons and life in general arranged in different categories. Nothing works quicker to bring your body and mind back into balance than a good laugh.

funny life quotes

Like William James, I feel regular laughter is such an important habit.

'We don't laugh because we are happy, we are happy because we laugh'.Click To Tweet

“The road to true love never did run smooth.”
Shakespeare

Make sure to read until the end of this blog post where I share a surprise with you. A funny motto in life is excellent for breaking the ice and remind you not to take yourself too seriously. I'm wishing you a good time laughing your heart out with these whimsical, sarcastic, crazy, philosophical or hilarious quotes about life:)


On birthday

funny birthday quote
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.”
Joseph Cossman

“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake.”
Jo Brand

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Bob Hope

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
Larry Lorenzoni

“You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.”
Francis Cardinal Spellman

'I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. Eva GaborClick To Tweet

“My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.”
Wendy Liebmann

“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?”
Bobby Kelton

“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.”
Jerry Seinfeld

Further Reading: 100 happy quotes that will make you smile


On women

funny quote about woman
“A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.”
Arnold Haultain

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
Marilyn Monroe

“Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.”
Nicholas Murray Butler

“There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.”
Orson Welles

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray

'An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.' Agatha ChristieClick To Tweet

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
Lana Turner

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Socrates

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
Calvin Trillin

Further Reading: 57 empowering and inspirational quotes about self-love


On men

funny quote about men
“How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
Author unknown

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.”
Rita Rudner

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.”
Cindy Gardner

“Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.”
Kathy Lette

“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”
Mark Twain

'There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.' Helen RowlandClick To Tweet

“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”
Groucho Marx

“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.”
Jilly Cooper

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way when you do criticize him, you'll be are a mile away and have his shoes!”
Steve Martin

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
Charles Wadsworth

“The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason, he wants a woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

Further Reading: 150 positive life quotes about success, happiness, and love.


On friendship

funny friendship quote
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
Bernard Meltzer

“Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 “Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.”
Otto von Bismarck

“True friends stab you in the front.”
Oscar Wilde

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”
Diane von Furstenberg

'Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.' Greg TamblynClick To Tweet

“There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson

“If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.”
Oprah Winfrey

“I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.”
Ann Richards

“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
Laurence J. Peter

Further Reading: 130 true friendship and best friend quotes


On relationship

funny relationship quote
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.”
Rodney Dangerfield

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
Richad Jeni

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”
Joan Rivers

“When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.”
Frederick Ryder

'Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.' Billy CrystalClick To Tweet

“The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.”
Linda Festa

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” 
Chelsea Handler

“The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.”
Bobby Kelton

Further Reading: 78 best love quotes and sayings


On parenthood

funny parentship quote
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
Lane Ollinghouse

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
Leo J. Burke

“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.”
Michael Levine

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”
Franklin P. Jones

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.”
John Wilmot (Earl of Rochester)

'Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.' Bill CosbyClick To Tweet

“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.”
Evan Esar

“As the father of two young girls, I have come to the realization that they are just as messy as boys but the dirt that they create around the house is comprised of at least 50% glitter.”
Andrew. K Keller

“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.”
Ben Bergor


On housework

funny housework quote
“I think housework is the reason most women go to the office.”
Heloise Cruse

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
Phillis Diller

“Our house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.”
Author Unknown

“A new broom sweeps clean, but the old broom knows the corners.”
Irish Saying

'Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.' Evan EsarClick To Tweet

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Joan Rivers

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln

“This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, “Honey, do this,” and “Honey, do that” around the house.”
Jim Lemon 

Further Reading: 91 good habit and change quotes


On office

funny office quote
“Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.”
Leslie Nielsen

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Charles Lamb

“I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.”
Jerome K. Jerome

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
Robert Frost

'One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.' Bertrand RusselClick To Tweet

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”
Will Rogers

“Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
Don Herold

Related: 45 inspirational procrastination quotes for better productivity


On music

funny music quote
“Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.”
Robert Benchley

“Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.”
Voltaire

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.”
George Burns

My music is best understood by children and animals.”
Igor Stravinsky

'Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there an also dropped hammer.' John RuskinClick To Tweet

“I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.”
Woody Allen

All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.”
Louis Armstrong


On idiots

funny quotes
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
George Carlin

“Comedy is hard. Any idiot can have an opinion.”
Ann Coulter

Any idiot can make money. Keeping money, very few can do.
John McAfee

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”
Greg King

“If the abnormal goes on long enough it becomes the normal.”
Terry Pratchett

'Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.' Marcus Tullius CiceroClick To Tweet

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.”
George Bernard Shaw

“The trouble is that you get fans who tell you're great no matter how big an idiot you are.”
Butch Trucks

“There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
Steven Wright

“Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson, cartoonist

Further Reading: 77 learning quotes and education sayings


On retirement

funny retirement quote
“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.”
Ella Harris

“Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.”
Malcolm Forbes

“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez

“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.”
Robert Half

'It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.' Barry WilkinClick To Tweet

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.”
Jonathan Clements

“When a man retires, and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.”
R C Sherriff 

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”
Fred Rogers

Further Reading: 101+ picture quotes and inspirational images


Book tip: Funny inspirational life quotes

funny life quotes

Here comes my ultimate book tip for you. Did you know that I've published a book featuring funny inspirational quotes about life and happiness that provides you with a dose of laughter? It's loaded with humorous mottos about life, arranged in themes with bright colorful pictures. Each page of this unique picture quote book will put a smile on your face or leave you laughing for a while.

If you want a sneak peek inside of the book just skip the following background story and scroll down to watch my 29 seconds promo video.

Number 1 on my readers’ wish list

It is the 11th book in the inspirational picture book series I've created and I'm especially proud of it:)

With this book, I'm catering for a special wish from my readers, which they expressed in a survey. A book featuring “funny life quotes and sayings” was on the wish list ranking number 1!

And although I had this valuable information I just couldn't create it and published instead other inspiring picture quote books.

I got help from my valued readers

What was holding me back was just my realization that humor is so individual and my preference for special funny pictures and words of wisdom could never mirror the humor taste of all. But I was lucky enough to get help from my readers. And this is the other thing that makes me really proud.

It was the first time that a creative group of twenty highly valued readers from all over the world assisted me with a book project.

Altogether they took part in over 50 polls. They voted for:

  • the number of quotations per category
  • the best funny life categories
  • the funniest ideas for each category
  • the most humorous photos
  • the best book title
  • the most suitable cover for it

I could go on and on…

The group helped me with many other things in the book creation process. It was such a fabulous experience and I want to thank all participants again from the bottom of my heart.

If you too want to get creative, join me in my Facebook group “funny quotes” and help me shape my actual book. Maybe you get inspired and publish your own book soon. Click here to join the Facebook group!

Focus on the most important aspects of life

According to the poll results, you will find in this book funny retirement wisdom, smile provoking sayings about love, funny quotes about life, men and women, work, friend and many more.

At times greatly humorous and others gently whimsical, this collection will not disappoint. A great one-size-fits-all book that is sure to enlighten engage, and keep everyone giggling even after reading it.

Filled with funny life mottos and sayings from people throughout history, you will read the quotations of known modern and historical figures such as Agatha Christie, Albert Einstein, Eva Gabor, Pope John XIII, Elbert Hubbard, Leslie Nielsen, George Carlin and many more.

This is what readers say about the book:

funny quotes book reviews

Watch my Video (30 seconds): Funny quotes about life

To give you an idea for the look and feel of the book don't miss my short video below.

Good to know: Of course you can get all of my picture quote books as print copies on Amazon too. I have included space for your own greetings or dedications. This allows you to create a personal and funny gift for many occasions.

In the printed version I have also integrated 2 blank pages at the end of the book, where you can jot down your favorite funny inspirational life quotes.

Click through to grab the book!

And if you want to take it to the next level check out my 52 Chef Habits Course, where even one of my 52 good habits focuses on laughter. Click here!

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